In a candid and deeply personal statement, Pearl Mbewe, wife of acclaimed actor Sello Maake kancube, has taken full responsibility for the majority of the marital problems that have plagued their three-year union. Mbewe's statement, sent to Sunday World, comes in the wake of allegations that Maake kancube had physically assaulted her at the Grahamstown Festival in the Eastern Cape.
"Let me start by saying I take full responsibility for the majority of our problems," Mbewe wrote, her words carrying the weight of genuine remorse. "I come from a single-parent background and all I have known all my life is how to survive and make things happen for and by myself. I live up to my nickname 'Solo'. I found it difficult to fuss and merge myself into our relationship as I have always operated on my own and not really accountable to anyone as an adult that is."
Mbewe's statement paints a picture of a woman struggling to reconcile her independent spirit with the demands of a committed relationship. She candidly admits to her shortcomings, revealing a pattern of behaviour that ultimately contributed to the strain on their marriage.
"My personality soon made way for a series of events which resulted in my husband and I finding ourselves with the difficult decision of where to divorce me or not," she wrote, acknowledging the gravity of her actions.
Mbewe's self-reflection extends to her tendency to overshare intimate details of their relationship with friends, a decision she now deeply regrets.
"Every woman is warned against discussing their relationship issues with friends, regardless [of whether] you are married or not," she wrote. "One of my biggest mistakes is that I talked with people about my marital problems, even those that I was too blind to see were not happy for me in general. This caused a huge strive between my husband and I as he expressed that he now feels uncomfortable in the company of some people as he knows that I have over shared intimate details of our marital problems but not having shared my contribution towards our problems."
Mbewe's honesty extends to her volatile behaviour during arguments, admitting to using harsh language and failing to exercise restraint.
"This is the part that is very sad and extremely disturbing because, looking back we honestly wouldn’t be where we are now if I stayed present in each and every moment of my life with my husband," she wrote. "One thing my husband did was to open up his life to me, this includes his pin codes to his phones and bank accounts. Not many women can say their husbands do this and yet to me it still felt like he was not doing enough, enough of what I don’t even know myself."
Despite her struggles, Mbewe vehemently denies allegations of physical abuse, stating that Maake kancube has never raised a hand to her.
"As I have narrated, our issues in our marriage are not special to or unique to us, we are a married couple and disagreements and arguments will always be there but that does not mean we don’t love each other," she wrote. "Yes, we had an argument and whatever else its called in the media. I would like to unequivocally state that my husband has never laid his hand on me. I can confidently say he will never lay his hands on me because I have been living with him for the past four years and trust me, I know myself. If he hasn’t raised his hands on me after all these years, believe me when I say he never will."
Mbewe's statement, while deeply personal, speaks to a larger societal issue: the complexities of relationships and the need for open communication and self-reflection. Her willingness to take responsibility for her actions, even in the face of public scrutiny, is a testament to her strength and character.
"Ordinarily, I would have kept quiet and not have said anything on this matter but I can’t just sit on the sidelines and watch people castrate my husband’s character on baseless allegations," she wrote. "Ntate Sello has given himself to the cause of being a better man than what he is now and it’s unfair to watch all this work go down the drain due to assumptions. GBV is a serious issue in our country and I would never compromise myself by defending my husband if he was indeed a perpetrator."
