Actress Shoki Mmola has opened up about the red flags she ignored in her abusive marriage to fellow actor Sello Sebotsane, revealing the harrowing details of her experience on the King David Studio podcast.
Mmola, known for her role in the popular soap opera Skeem Saam, shared that she had always envisioned a traditional family structure, a desire stemming from her own upbringing. "The lack of a biological family was one of the things that compromised me in that situation," she said. "I cannot say I was there for love; I was there for structure. I never had a proper family structure, so I wanted that for my kids and future."
She admitted that she stayed in the marriage for too long, a decision she now regrets. "I stayed long for me but not for the bigger picture," she said. "There is nothing that you can explain to the girls that they do not know; they remember stuff I do not even recall. It breaks my heart, but at least they have an understanding."
Mmola's decision to stay in the marriage was not solely based on her desire for a traditional family unit; she also felt a sense of responsibility towards her children. "I should have left sooner," she admitted. "But I felt I needed to stay for them."
Despite the pain of her experience, Mmola is grateful for the strength she found in her children and her nanny, who played a pivotal role in her escape from the abusive situation. "My children saved me," she said. "They saw everything and they remember things I don't even recall."
Mmola shared a chilling account of the night she finally escaped. "Around 1am, I was working and he asked to speak to me. I think he had been drinking, and when I said not now, he broke the glass and said we would speak now. As big as he was, he sat on my lap, choked, and punched me. That night, I felt nothing; it was as if he was not beating me up enough. When he was beating me up, I told him to hit me harder."
Her children, witnessing the horrific scene, intervened, pleading with Sebotsane to leave their mother alone. "They ran into the room and told him to leave her alone while she was being beaten," Mmola recounted. She managed to escape to another room, where she called her nanny, who was staying in a separate room outside.
"I told her to call the police, and they immediately came because I had gone there several times to report him for other stuff, when he would hit me or vandalise the house," Mmola said.
Mmola's story is a stark reminder of the insidious nature of domestic abuse, highlighting the importance of recognising red flags and seeking help. She has bravely shared her experience, hoping to empower others who may be facing similar situations.
"I apologise for things I didn't do," she said, reflecting on her time in the marriage. "I was always walking on eggshells, trying to please him."
Mmola's journey towards healing has involved therapy sessions with her children and her nanny, who witnessed the abuse firsthand. She acknowledges the lasting impact of the abuse on her children and allows them to openly discuss their experiences. "I allow them to bring up old wounds," she said.
Mmola's story is a testament to the resilience of survivors and the importance of support networks. She has found strength in her children, her nanny, and her own determination to break free from the cycle of abuse. Her willingness to share her story offers hope and inspiration to others who may be struggling in silence.
"I'm grateful for my children and my nanny," she said. "They saved my life."
